Dear Mr. Verbosity,

While your insights are no doubt fascinating, and your adoration of Cicero so fervent that I feel half a voyeur reading your discussion of him, your paragraphs should not be three pages long on average. Seriously. You and Mr. "I Can Too Write a Seven-Page Footnote!" need to get together for brunch or something. Except you're ( Read more... )

Dear Kids Who Are Too Young to Have Ever Seen a Real Atari,

I understand that you are young and confused. And I understand that Square gives you teh_shinies.

But sweet Rasputin on a graham cracker, Squall could not beat Kirby in a fight, unless they were trying to see who could produce the most wangst and/or be involved in the most inane plot ( Read more... )

Dear Computer:

I have prep work to do for class tomorrow. The Internet would facilitate this. Specifically, my frightening collection of bookmarks would facilitate this.

So why did you crash and LOSE ALL MY BOOKMARKS? All I have is a partial back-up from almost a year ago. ARGH.

With deep, seething vitriol,
Your 0wnz0rP.S. Don't you dare imply I ( Read more... )

Dearest Darling Game ( Read more... )

Dear Subconscious:

Is there some reason we're stuck on the theme song from The Patty Duke Show, which I am reasonably certain we've never watched? No? Then for God's sake STOP.

And what was up with that dream last night? The part where I was playing a hunchbacked Gavroche in an intriguing musical fusion of Les Mis and Oliver! was entertaining ( Read more... )

Dear Weather ( Read more... )

Dear Native English Speaker:

You let them make you say "millenniums." Doesn't your mouth feel dirty? It should. Oh, it should. I'm going to overlook it this time, though, because your game lets me stab, shoot, and otherwise maul evil marionettes. Next time you might not be lucky.

Next time, Gadget... Next time...

With a hack-and-slash salute ( Read more... )